"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."
~T.S. Eliot
The above picture was take last Friday (8/10)...it marked the official close in the Doctorate of Ministry chapter of my life. It was a wonderful day...I celebrated my accomplishment with friends, family and my church family. Throughout the day I moved through so many emotions: relief, happiness, sadness, surprise that I pulled it off, thankfulness, pride, humility and love. It was a special significant day to me...a good day, most of all I could hear Frederick Buechner's words whispering in my ear all day, " Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the
boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch,
taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last
analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."
To be honest, I have yet slow down to take time and emotionally process this "end" of the season in my life. I don't know how I feel right now...I don't know what I am going to do with my spare time (somehow I imagine it will get taken up with many important things). So, I don't know how I feel.
I do know how I feel about those who helped me reach my goal....
When I began by doctorate Grant was six months old (he is now five) and Lucy was not even a thought in our minds. While many things changed in my life through the course of my degree, a few things did not -- My wife Mary never wavered in her love or support. She knew when I needed tough love and sweet love and she offered both...like a cook ready to ladle hot soup in an expectant dinner bowl, Mary was always standing at the front of my heart with a ladle full of love.
I specifically remember one hot summer's night a few years ago when I broke down and told her that I didn't think I could finish this..."I just can't do it all" I told her. She let me cry and sob for a moment, then she laid her hand on my shoulder, used her other hand to guide my face to where I was looking straight into her eyes, and without a bit of frustration, anger or sadness she said, "Okay, what do you need to finish?" We talked about what it would take (which would include a lot of sacrifice on her part), and she said, "Now, lets go do it." My wife -- the lead of love -- not just in this instance but throughout our entire marriage.
My parent's love and encouragement never changed...Dad always prodding me to "finish" "finish" "finish" "do this" "have you thought of that"....encouraging me like a coach who tells you something you already know, but somehow when he says it, it makes you mad and you want to finish to make him proud. I know he is proud of me (and would be) without any degree behind my name, but I hope the extra letters after my name make him proud nonetheless. He is my biggest supporter.
And my mother's sweet support never wavered. Opposite from dad, she offered constant peace...divine tranquility. She has done that my entire life...She is the only person I know who truly understands what the peace of God that passes all understanding feels like.
And then of course there are many others. My professors, my brother Blake, the wonderful participants who went with me on this journey...they are so special to me...like brothers and sisters...family...in every sense of the word.
TS Elliot's line under the picture is so profound to me. Who knows if this is the beginning of something or the end of something or both. But what I do know is that it has been a part of my journey that has made me who I am today, and I am so very thankful.
It is funny, typing this, Buechner's quote just keeps coming back to me over and over again. I have learned so much over these past five years, but I think the most important lesson I have learned is to listen to my life. I have tried to
see it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the
boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness. I have tried to touch,
taste, smell my way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last
analysis I have realized that all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace." If I can keep doing that and encourage people to do that...I think I will be okay.
Speaking of listening, there is a little girl sitting by me while I am typing, waiting patiently to play with her daddy. She keeps repeating the phrase, "play with me?" Is that what DMin. graduates do the day after they get their degree...who knows, but I know it is what this dad is going to do.
